Smeared Words

Ripped pages from a diary

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The first time she said it, he was on the floor, looking for something.

"I love you."

It was quiet, as if a passing thought. But he froze, like it was the most important thing in the world.

"Say it again," he said, turning to look at her.

"I love you." She whispered.

And there was something about the way she sat there, quivering like a leaf, that made him want to sit down and hold her forever.

"I love you I love you I love you."

She was getting much too brave, and the words rolled off her tongue like they’d been waiting for a long time to be heard.

"Screw everything." She said. "Screw building walls and hiding emotions.

"I am fucking terrified, and perhaps I don’t know much. But I love you," she laughed. "I know that I love you."

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #55  (via blossomfully)

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I wonder when it all started. This feeling of regret and sadness and other thoughts that consume me at night, I can’t trace them back anymore. I don’t know where it all began. And the worst thing is, I don’t know where and when it will all end. 

Will it stop all at once? Or will it fade bit by bit, until I realized that it’s all over. I got over it and it’s okay to move on now because it’s done. I’m free to let go. Will it stop like that? Or will I be forever trap and scarred for the rest of my life. Will I continue living inside my lies just so I could breath even for a minute and escape this reality I was forced to enter?

I want to be positive, to fill my thoughts with good things. But it feels like I’m lying to myself, that I’m just running away. I feel suffocated. I just want this to end.

Filed under random thought night depression

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It was probably the most outrageous thing that I had ever done, falling in love with someone that could never love me back. It’s not that I’m asking for something in return or anything that could equate to a give-and-take scenario. I just wanted to gaze at that perfect human being for a little longer and maybe get a little step closer to the world he’s living in. I just want to have a taste of the air he’s breathing so I could actually prove to myself that he exist and that so am I.

But he’s like a fantasy. He’s someone I could only meet when I close my eyes. And tho I know from the start that this certain adoration is futile and would result to such devastation, I still chose to dream of him longer than I should have done. Obsession? Probably. But at this point I could never really blame myself. Surprisingly, I couldn’t blame myself for this one. Because I’m already at the point where I can’t even feel regret for falling in love. Because it feels good. It really does.

And maybe I’ll get even more stupid at this point for loving him even more knowing that everything’s in vain, but who cares. This is love. Probably. And maybe I’ll let it carry on a little bit more.

I know I wouldn’t even get close as to him knowing my name. But it’s okay. I have my dreams. And that’s more than enough for someone like me.

Filed under spilled ink spilled thoughts love falling in love random thoughts unrequited love

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Come here and hold me
Calm my fragile heart
You know how it hurts
Just knowing this is love
Who knows how it’ll be
Maybe tomorrow it’s gone
Maybe all we have is now
So come here and hold me
Let’s fall in love till it last

-Yume H.

Filed under spilled ink poetry love falling in love